May 13, 2009
Another Reason to Start Smoking!

Posted at 7:09 pm, in: Environment, Health Care
Tags: Global Warming, S-CHIP, Troglopundit

We all know that I am a fan of smoking if for no other reason that it just may save a child’s life. Now, Troglopundit brings some more reasons to light of why picking up a ciggy might be the most patriotic thing you can do:

Being fat could be a potential lifestyle choice – and we don’t want to criticize people’s lifestyle choices, do we? Or it’s a result of victimology: genetics and/or the stress of living in this patriarchal hell of a society made me fat. Either way, the average hemp-wearing liberal is duty bound to embrace it.

But here’s the thing: we know that being overweight means consuming more energy. Because we Americans tend to be a little heavier, we use more gasoline than we otherwise would.

Plus, the overweight-ness of Americans in general is evidence of our “fried, fatty, butter-drenched and Super-sized Culture of More.” America’s all-around corruption.

So sooner or later, this has to become problematic. If smoking helps Americans lose weight and/or stay thinner, that’s a good thing.

It makes sense. Fat people use more energy, no matter how you cut it. If smoking keeps more people thinner, and if having thinner people is more environmentally responsible, then smoking is more environmentally responsible.

I think cigarettes are a diet suppressant, too. This would help fat people eat less, which would have to be a good thing, especially if they’re eating beef. Little did everyone realize that us smokers were the environmentally friendly, socially responsible, truly patriotic ones.

I think it’s time for me to go fulfill my duty as an American. Now, where did I put those Marb Reds? Anybody got a light?