November 3, 2009
CNN (a real news source?): What to expect as the “other woman.”
Have you been pinning away for that cute married man at the office? CNN asks the important questions, “Thinking about becoming the ‘other woman?’” Well, in the event that you’re dumb enough to convince yourself that having an affair with a married man is a good idea, CNN offers some advice:
Choose carefully
It’s bad enough that you’re “dating” a married guy, but when you start sleeping with someone who’s in a position of authority over you, you’re screwing yourself twice. Every good grade will be chalked up to your romance with the professor and every promotion, credited to time served on your back. Don’t kid yourself that nobody in your class or office knows, because people aren’t blind and you’re not that slick.
Don’t go home with him
Maybe he’s too cheap to pay for a hotel room, could be he secretly wants to get caught . . . then again, maybe he’s just a sociopath, but I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve heard about a marriage dude bringing his girlfriend back to the house he shares with his wife and kids — usually when everyone’s out of town, but not always. Letterman even took his mistress on vacation with his family! Whatever his motivation, resist. You’re already hurting this woman by having sex with her husband; at least have the decency to stay out of the bed they share.
Accept that you’re No. 2
Married guys will tell you a lot of things in their quest to bed you. That they haven’t slept with their [insert bitchy descriptor here] wives for [insert insanely long period of time here] and that they’re only staying together for the [kids/finances/etc.].
You need to know going in that you will always come second. (Or third. Or fourth.) Sure, you might get expensive gifts, but you’ll also be spending nearly every holiday by your lonesome, you’ll never meet his friends, and plans will be canceled on a moment’s notice if something more important (i.e., anything) comes up.
You’re not his first . . .
When an acquaintance of mine started an affair with a married coworker, she was furious when I suggested this might not be the first time he’d strayed during his very long marriage. She screamed that I was a cynic and that their love was a special flower they alone shared. (On the conference room floor.) Okay, she didn’t use the term “special flower,” but that was the gist.
A week later I got an embarrassed call back reporting that, contrary to what he’d told her, he’d been straying since his wedding day. A cheat and a liar — who would’ve guessed?!
…And probably won’t be his last
Most guys don’t leave their wives for the women they’re seeing on the side. Yes, I know — your grand passion is “different.” Snort. But what if he actually does splinter the family into bits and make a (semi) honest woman out of you? According to the Web site, “Beyond Affairs,” only 3 percent of men marry their affair partner and out of those, only 3 percent of those marriages last. And why would they? You’re committing to a relationship that was built on lies and deceit.
I guess they figured since high-profile, extra-marital affairs seem all the rage, lately, they should jump on that bandwagon as quickly as possible. What does it say about our society that a so-called news source feels comfortable posting an article advising women what to expect and not to expect from their married partner, who isn’t married to them?
When selecting a married man to sleep with, I will be sure to choose someone other than my boss or another superior. Thanks for the tip! I mean, sleeping with my married boss sounded like such a great idea until I read this article. Now, it’s like, whoa, maybe that’s not a good idea. Note to Meghan McCain: choosing wisely does not mean choosing any man you can get close enough to jump. Luckily, since Meghan doesn’t have a real job in life, screwing her boss won’t be a problem. Well, that and the fact that any self-respecting man wouldn’t sleep with her anyway. I mean, if you’re going to cheat on your wife, the girl should be hot, not fat. But, I digress. Damn that Meghan McCain!
Wait, no sexing it up in the bed he shares with his wife? Look, if you’re sleeping with a married man, you might as well go for the gusto. You’re burning in hell, either way. Do you think it will hurt his wife any less if you choose to have the affair in various hotel rooms like a whore rather than in his own bedroom? Like a mistress cares about the wife’s feelings. If she cared at all about the man’s wife or family she wouldn’t be sleeping with the man in the first place. But, thanks for that helpful little nugget of information.
You know, this article has really put a damper on my day. It seems I have been doing everything wrong. I’ve been looking for unmarried men, but now that I have this how-to guide warning me against the pitfalls of dating a married man, I’m gonna go out and find me one.
You got a ring on it? How you doin’?
Of course, I think this article is absurd and a sad statement about the state of America. How far have we fallen as a society when affairs have become so commonplace and acceptable that a news organization doesn’t hesitate to post an article about what to expect if you’re thinking about becoming the other woman?
No Comments »
No comments yet.
RSS feed for comments on this post.