Monique E. Stuart

I was first inspired to start writing as a child when I stumbled upon my brothers with their dirty magazines.

“We were just reading the articles,” they declared. I thought, they must be some pretty good articles if they convinced my brothers to start reading! That’s when I knew my destiny: to see my name splashed on the pages of Playboy.

I’m just kidding. That’s a lie. I don’t know what inspired me to start writing. It seems everybody has a story to tell about how they ended up where they are today. For me, I have never been ruled by some conscious decision to end up in a particular career field or place. I just keep going, always surprised to find myself wherever I wake up.

I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember. Mostly poetry and short stories when I was younger. I got into columns and reporting when I was in college. I’m very opinionated. Writing incendiary columns seemed to be just the thing for me, and it came so naturally. I just wrote how I would normally talk. People seemed to like it, so I continued.

I was raised a liberal, in a small rich town in Connecticut (Southbury to be exact, equidistant from Waterbury and Danbury). I was one of those kids that your parents didn’t want you hanging out with. I was trouble, or so they thought.

I voted for Al Gore in 2000. What did I know? I listened to my mother. Bush was an uncaring man who was going to ruin the world. Gore was going to help the poor and make this a better place. Warning: My mother is extremely LIBERAL! There is no way for me to overstate how liberal she is.

Then, I went off to college in Rhode Island, Roger Williams University to be exact. My first year there was spent as your typical college student: drinking, partying, having fun. Then, my sophomore year, I found out the first guy I dated in college was actually a Republican. My misconceived perception of what a Republican should look like and act like had been shattered.

He took me to a College Republican meeting. The last words out of my mouth before leaving for the meeting was, “I don’t know why I’m going to this. These kids are crazy!” Then, at the meeting, I surprised even myself when I met Jason Mattera (AKA Big Sexy), gave him my contact information, and told him I would be back next week. My friend asked me, “Why did you just lie to him?” And, I said, “I didn’t. I think I’m really going to come back next week.” And so began my pilgrimage out of the cave.

After that, it was all downhill. We seemed to be plagued by one controversy after another. My personal favorite was when I almost got kicked out of school my senior year for writing a play that mocked The Vagina Monologues. After a name change (now referred to as The Chronicles of Testaclese), this masterpiece will become available on my website.

Currently, I work for the federal government in Washington, DC. I’m supposed to be getting my MA in Government from Johns Hopkins University. I’ve completed all of the courses. They’re just waiting for that pesky thesis. I know what I’m writing about, and basically what I’m going to write. I just can’t seem to get motivated to write it.

I’m a complicated woman. I have settled on the label of conservative, but I tend toward some libertarian views. I am surrounded by liberals. Everyone in my family who voted, voted for Barack Obama. Even my five-year-old niece voted for “Rock Obama,” as she put it, in her school election (I was petty enough to get into an argument with my five-year-old niece, who was actually four at the time, about how there was no such person as Rock Obama). And, yes, I have people in my family that unimpressed with politics that they don’t vote at all.

I’m a cynic at heart, distrustful of all people politicians. I’m a Maker’s Mark drinking, Marb reds smoking, guy’s girl (Probably the result of having three older brothers and finding myself to be naturally more comfortable around men). My writing is just me. I am naturally offensive. For my thoughts on this, I refer you to Homer Simpson, “Just because I don’t care, doesn’t mean I don’t understand.” This is just how I write (wait until you meet me, it gets much worse). I hope you enjoy reading it.